Some rad tweets featured on this site here & some of them aren't even mine!

 http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/83306881 …

That's it guys. Keep following me. You're doing well.

.@elizestrydom you never call me anymore

A woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" is in the same league as a National Tiles "Today only!"

He usually answers me :( pic.twitter.com/LBStu689g3

[sits frozen chicken on bench] This chicken's so old it-*silence* uh, so fat that um-*nothing* damn how much roasting does this thing need.

This sweetcorn won't stop telling me what an amazing person I am.

Convinced I could do a murder now that I've heard my step mum say, "that stupid damn simpsons show."

Daft Punk remove their helmets to reveal they are both Kanye West.

@annie are you okay

Damn it, just imagined Kyle Lippert twerking.

"What's wrong with the car dad?"
"The engine's too hot."
[you look under the hood & engine ignores you until it needs some homework done]

Ran out of printed copies of my resumé so I'm just going to send them a freshly baked turd.

So who here has herd of sheep? *wide grin* *points at farmer in front row* How about ewe? *giggles* Baad jokes? Haha not wool I'm in charge.

All of the photos in my wallet are of babies from cartoons I love.

All of my friends are having babies & I feel left out :( I'm the only non-cannibal at this dinner party.

This is my grandson Billy [gestures to kid in a piano] lol but this is my great grandson Kanye [gestures to cool teen in a piano] haha rad.

Ben you're just not looking at it the right way, you need a fresh perspective [hands him a pair of dope ass stunna shades], you see?

I heard it through the grapevine. I hear everything through the grapevine I am a grape.

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