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Some rad tweets featured on this site here & some of them aren't even mine!
That's it guys. Keep following me. You're doing well.
A woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" is in the same league as a National Tiles "Today only!"
[sits frozen chicken on bench] This chicken's so old it-*silence* uh, so fat that um-*nothing* damn how much roasting does this thing need.
This sweetcorn won't stop telling me what an amazing person I am.
Convinced I could do a murder now that I've heard my step mum say, "that stupid damn simpsons show."
Daft Punk remove their helmets to reveal they are both Kanye West.
Damn it, just imagined Kyle Lippert twerking.
"What's wrong with the car dad?"
"The engine's too hot."
[you look under the hood & engine ignores you until it needs some homework done]
Ran out of printed copies of my resumé so I'm just going to send them a freshly baked turd.
So who here has herd of sheep? *wide grin* *points at farmer in front row* How about ewe? *giggles* Baad jokes? Haha not wool I'm in charge.
All of the photos in my wallet are of babies from cartoons I love.
All of my friends are having babies & I feel left out :( I'm the only non-cannibal at this dinner party.
This is my grandson Billy [gestures to kid in a piano] lol but this is my great grandson Kanye [gestures to cool teen in a piano] haha rad.
Ben you're just not looking at it the right way, you need a fresh perspective [hands him a pair of dope ass stunna shades], you see?
I heard it through the grapevine. I hear everything through the grapevine I am a grape.
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