Hearing that 2 women's periods can synch together is the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.

To everyone in lovington that drives a jeep: Ever heard of the international jeep wave? ...Assholes.

Hey girl, are you a tampon? Because you're a total self-absorbed cunt rag.

In 1995 I sent a Polaroid dick pic to a girl in the mail, so I guess you could say I'm a pioneer.

Don't ever say to me "Get at me dawg" if your hat isn't on sideways you stupid motherfucker.

Relax Chris Brown fans, he's not going to see any of my tweets. He blocked me months ago.

Fuck I wish hitting other people's kids wasn't frowned upon.

I'm not sure if people explained the rules to you, but when debating religion you cannot use quotes from the Bible to defend the Bible

Ed Hardy is just Hello Kitty for dudes.

Stupid fucking windstream internet.

Blow me. RT @margiejphelps: @jennyjohnsonhi5 Stop making God's wrath on your fellow citizens fodder for your rebel comedy. #GodIsDeadSerious

I wouldn't mind going to Coachella and walking around in a business suit yelling "Ashley?? Ashley, come home!"

Missed Connection: You were at the bus stop in front of the county jail putting the shoe laces back in your shoe. I walked by and winked.

I never turn to look, but when I'm walking I just assume things behind me explode once in a while, because I'm fucking cool.

#omgfacts OJ Simpson invented that Fuck, Marry, Kill game.

Drunk me and sober me like to play pranks on each other. Drunk me fills the bathtub with gasoline and sober me has a job.

.@myspacetom I blame you for all of this you son of a bitch

I just called a gay guy a faggot. Not because he's gay. He was just being a faggot.

Don't hire me and tell me I can't drink on the job. Have you seen what I do?

I woke up and thought it was 9/11 because everybody on Facebook changed their profile pic to a pair of fallen towers.