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if david beckhamds child, harper seven, was born 15 minutes later she would’ve been called kworta eight.
roses are red. violets are blue. sunflowers are yellow. i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts.
instead of getting periods can people just get a text once a month from mother nature saying “you’re not pregnant have a nice day”
My parents: Youre so beautiful & perfect, anyone would be lucky to have you
Everyone else: Wow I didnt know whales can live out of water lol
(youre) (a) (faggot)
for an ugly girl i have really high standards
↓ this person is a cunt.
why aren't i a skinny pretty rich chelsea girl god dammit i wanna walk my dog in heels and go for a coffee in a £500 coat
last christmas, i gave you my heart, the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died
I need money. And new clothes. And a pretty face. And long dirty blonde hair. And skinny legs.
it’s funny how i was the fastest sperm and now i barely move at all
Maybe vagina jokes are funny and i’m just ovary acting
I'm still relying on the theory i will get more attractive when i get older.
Personally feel Madagascar's flag bearer should have been Marty the Zebra singing DADADADADADADADA CIRCUS DADADADADADADADA AFRO
i got 99 problems and they’re all band members i have a crush on who don’t know i exist
Half a year ago you were one of my best friends and now you're just one of those pricks that forgot about me.