if david beckhamds child, harper seven, was born 15 minutes later she would’ve been called kworta eight.

roses are red. violets are blue. sunflowers are yellow. i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts.

instead of getting periods can people just get a text once a month from mother nature saying “you’re not pregnant have a nice day”

My parents: Youre so beautiful & perfect, anyone would be lucky to have you
Everyone else: Wow I didnt know whales can live out of water lol

s(he) be(lie)ve(d)

(youre) (a) (faggot)

for an ugly girl i have really high standards

I swear to god, this is just the cutest thing. http://t.co/RxhcemBI

this is real this is me http://t.co/3gQDJLd1

My kitten is literally the most perfect thing omg http://t.co/0H8FSD2x

↓ this person is a cunt.

pretty much http://t.co/Iwt2EZCT

last christmas, i gave you my heart, the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died

I need money. And new clothes. And a pretty face. And long dirty blonde hair. And skinny legs.

it’s funny how i was the fastest sperm and now i barely move at all

Maybe vagina jokes are funny and i’m just ovary acting

I'm still relying on the theory i will get more attractive when i get older.

Personally feel Madagascar's flag bearer should have been Marty the Zebra singing DADADADADADADADA CIRCUS DADADADADADADADA AFRO

i got 99 problems and they’re all band members i have a crush on who don’t know i exist

Half a year ago you were one of my best friends and now you're just one of those pricks that forgot about me.

Does Africa have a Lynx ‘England’ that smells of cigarettes and disappointment?