There are two kinds of people in this world , those who think Adam sandler is funny ... And intelligent people.

I'm so dumb, I only just signed up for favstar.fm ... The people at work were sick of me trying to tune it in on the radio.

Just had a wet T shirt comp with myself and won

I'm so ugly that when I go to the park, dogs sniff my face.

What does cheese say when it has it's photo taken

I have a really cool tweet to post about windy weather...
I'll tweet it later.. I saved it as a draught.

they say that doing it with your opposite hand is like someone else doing it,
i tried,true,it's just as bad as when someone else does it

Whenever I go to bed with a new bloke for the first time.. Just to lighten things up I say ' welcome to the fold'..

I'm so ugly, I make artificial flowers wilt

It was just like taking candy from a baby... Because I was, and I enjoyed every fucking mouthful..

Everytime I burn food ... It ain't burnt ....

It's CAJUN.. Okay?!

My knees hurt!

On the upside:

I think I got the job.

What is the symbol for the element of surprise?

I've been looking into it and it turns out the possibilities aren't endless after all. Sorry folks.

Today I feel every bit the 47 old year bisexual crack addicted homeless man that I'm not.

I'm so ugly I make onions cry

I'm so awful at sex, my partners have to yell out their own name as they climax...

I think I must be one of those girls that only a " trusted family friend " could love.

Revenge sex is a dish best served:




Without cheese

I'm so bad at giving bj,s that my brother put a lock on his bedroom door