I have no idea what to do when it comes to owners of vaginas.

My mom is telling a story of farting in an elevator and not taking credit for it. She's a real woman. And by woman, I mean terrorist.

I never realized how much a plastic bag with a lemon and a lime looked like a pair of cancerous testicles. http://yfrog.com/gyf3ptbj

I'm still convinced that @alisonhaislip is the cutest and funniest woman on G4...maybe even all of tv, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

RT @jimnorton Lady Gaga trying to sound intelligent is almost as embarrassing as Lady Gaga trying to sound intelligent.

That bear threw a piece of charmin toilet paper in that pond and soaked up all that water and destroyed the ecosystem of that area-Terrorist

My father just made a reference to 50 cent saying that he should be renamed "4 bit". Wow. Stellar performance.

I'm not in a band...i am a band...infinitely more attractive.

@heyitsxmikex is now my follower-creepy. Twitter is vry much like many cults communicating with each other,planning ritual killings and such

Let's just say that the grass isn't that much greener on the other side...but it is much fuller (they water the grass).

I have found that green apples are never as sour as sour green apple jolly ranchers are.

Why is the mp3 so claustrophobic? Because he's always being compressed!

Beethoven makes me chuckle.

Composing is a difficult thing to accomplish when you have so many distractions around you...Yeah...that's right twitter I'm talking to you.