what's that sleeping disorder where you just cant get out of bed? oh right, depression

girl up in da club in her pjs sleepwalking and dudes dancing with her but nobody wanna wake her up

there should be a special button to flag the tweet that made you unfollow someone

whose joke was it to put the QR code on the suicide prevention poster so tiny that one must climb down on to the train tracks to scan it?...

warm tingly feeling when listening to a song on headphones for the first time and realizing there's a previously unnoticed string section.

no longer draped politely near the edge waiting for a ghost to appear, uncoil and sleep open like a starfish in the middle of the bed

hey guys! did you know casual racism or making fun of anyone who speaks with an accent or impediment IS totally unacceptable? cool me too

waiting for ambien to take me away but in the meantime did you know that all relationships are in a constant state of flux?

called in sad to work because my 8th consecutive hour of twitter will magically transform me to a badass unicorn who is immune to sadness.

spiders are basically just small shellfish that happen to live on land and do webs

if i'm om twitter and drinking i'm not drinking alone

facebook makes me feel terrible because everyone seems so happy meanwhile idk what the fuck to do with my life, aside from avoiding facebook

a theme park for lazy people where we just watch a tv series together on ambien and try to collectively incept ourselves into the show

dog and i are at emergency level tangerine: hide under nest of blankets from thunder + old victorian house creaking (possibly collapsing?)

WEAPONS GRADE FEELINGS

if you're not consistently rude and distant i will misread the situation and think you're just a shitty friend instead of a True Hater™

my other dog is a giant oceaniac manta ray

smdh (shaking my dog's head)

i have things that make me happy and people that i love but mostly i'm just a very lucky failure

going to drink a nutella milkshake to ensure my booty has enough bounce per ounce