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A leaf fell off of a tree and flew directly at my face and so I screamed, of course.
I'm gonna vote for Regina George because she got hit by that bus.
Here's Waldo #lessinterestingbooks
I'm going to say more than burrito ingredients to that boy next time.
I found a Thin Mint on my bedroom floor and now I am going to eat it, good morning.
Dude on the bus will not stop fidgeting with his dick no matter how hard I stare at him while blowing kisses.
Door creaked when I walked by so I said, "You shut your door mouth!" and then I dropped my microphone and Moonwalked off the stage.
I wish I had a safe place to fart.
Most days I wish I was a pile of cats.
JUST DILL WITH IT (and then there's a pickle)
Jane, age four, asked why Jughead doesn't have a girlfriend and I told her it's because he likes hamburgers more than he likes girls.
Roommate told me he heard that the first hour and forty-five minutes of The Dark Knight Rises is Batman doing his taxes :(
All I think about is kissing!
Under what section of my résumé should I list my crying on the way to job interviews experience?
I felt my butt vibrate, but my phone is in my hand, so I guess it was just a fart :(