no-one can really tell if you visit their twitter profile a lot right?
because... yeah... no reason.

some of you tweet some really fucked up creepy shit. thank you.

thank you Internet porn for giving so many guys false expectations.

I respect people who have to keep their timeline pure & never retweet. But, not for me. I will freely admit some people are funnier than me.

yes, I am friends with someone's fucking dog on Facebook. because she's a good friend and I can't tell her how retarded that is.

I naturally look half dead. so when the zombie apocalypse comes, I'll probably be safe

I know I'm not cool enough to be here. I'm just happy not too many people have noticed that, yet.

I'm always going to do it wrong so I think I just need to get happier about fucking up.

I don't have a 'happy place'. Where do you get one of those?

I need a chocolate chip cookie recipe that bakes itself.

I have 300 followers. I promised to fuck off and have a life for a bit at 300. that will learn me.

I like it when I follow both sides in a twitter drama. Some people are hilariously retarded.

the flame went out when I was cooking before. room stunk of gas. but, at least the kids are quiet now.

My 'I love my husband' friend on Facebook is now posting multiple inspirational quotes in pretty fonts. Poor thing, life is obviously bad.

my 2yo was busy putting coins in her underpants. at least it wasn't dollar bills, because that would just be wrong.

I'm about as cool on twitter as I was at school.

within minutes of entering a supermarket, I want to stab people. it's not that I'm a bitch, people are just so fucking retarded.

no one hot at the gym. So I watched the tv, and now I want to buy a steam mop.

I regret regretting things.

my responsibility as a parent - to teach my children to respect others & keep them away from the filthy fucking porn I like on the internet