Sure sign the economy sucks. The dude at the fastfood speaker thingy just asked if I could AFFORD fries with that.

Whoever said size doesn't matter was full of it. Have you ever tried churning butter with a toothpick?

My cat just sat on my charging dock for my phone. "The cat's in the cradle.."

ok ok ok who the hell forgot to turn the cats back an hour???

I drank a new flavor of gatorade tonight, and I think I just peed a blueray.

#signstheeconomysucks I got a pre-declined letter from a credit card company in the mail today.

No mom facebook poking isn't dirty, its more like what elementary school boys did to get your attention. Like pulling yor hair.

I wonder if the reason Gatorade dropped Tiger was because now it sounds bad when they say "is it in you?"

Mondays would be so much easier to swallow if they were part of the weekend. That or salty.

I think the least attractive thing about me is my Atheisim. God help the guy who can get past that.

I knew when it happened that the balloon boy story was a hoax. What other dad with that style haircut can be taken seriously? Seriously?

Me pissing you off? Yeah there's a knack for that.

No, these strings coming out my nose are supposed to be there. I'm saving money on kleenexes. Don't stare, its not polite!

Ok boss imma let you finish but I have to say, my last job/boss had the best "you're fired" speech of all time!

I feel like Monday was a dumptruck that ran over me, backed up, then ran me down again. Then emptied a load of crap on me. Anyone else? No?

wow, posting that thing about the google wave invites got me a ton of new followers. Now if only I could teach them to star tweets!

Sorry, friend-from-college-on-fb, a 30something y/o shouldnt brag abt wearing pigtails. Now excuse me I must remove my footy pjs from dryer.

For all you pro-lifers out there, you have no right to complain about the traffic.

Someone made the mistake of telling the packrat at work we threw a bunch of stuff out today. So he went dumpster diving. His reward? Win98cd

That Maine gay vote sure has raised controversy. I'm openly heterosexual, but if they want to be as miserable as us, they should be able to!