Sometimes I feel great about myself but then I look at Josh Peck's vine and realize I'll never be that cool

This Is The End was about a million times better than I thought it was going to be

My nipples have been hard for the past three hours is this what erectile dysfunction is like

I'm a third wheel about 68% of the time and I just don't know how to feel about it

Me because no one wanted to come over

Just drooled on myself. In other news, I'm still single.

I hope you choke in your sleep

I want a perfectly flat stomach but it's so hard when there's always pizza in the house

Rubber is absolutely the best movie I have ever seen

My favorite thing is when I sneeze right after putting mascara on

Notice how no one likes your pictures? It's because you're a cunt.

Ok @sydneykinggg is officially my favorite person everyone else take lessons

I really love watching girls pop their boyfriend's pimples. Really starts my day off right.

I was going to do my homework, but then I accidentally fell asleep for four hours

@rainbowasians I dm-ed you

I actually look really good today so you distasteful heathens better appreciate it.

I think this school is giving me cancer

Lol, sorry but it's not like people aren't saying this stuff anyway.

@rainbowasians but...she's a girl scout. And she plays with her dolls. I'm so conflicted and disturbed right now.

No please, get a little closer. Your breath smells great.