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The only part of Zero Dark Thirty that was believable was when they broke Khalid Sheikh Mohammed by making him listen to my dad eat soup.
I think if I really buckle down and apply myself, I could be dead in five years.
I really hate the handful of people who like the handful of things I like. #blerg
I found a folded-up note in the pocket of my jeans last night that just says "pizza" in someone else's handwriting.
Now that I'm in my 30s, most of my fantasies involve bands getting back together.
Woke up already mad at Sting.
A cool thing to do is to sit in your office and stew about something inarticulate you said in a conversation six months ago.
Legally, a cop has to tell you if you are a goth.
It's almost 2014 and First Person to Die on the Moon is still in play.
You'll probably be happy to know that, according to WebMD, "my chest hair is especially soft today" is not a symptom of West Nile virus.
All names are just sounds that old people made up.
Hey ladies, I seem to have the same number of limbs as most of your Earth hunks.
Let's bring it in, gang. Okay. I'd like to get serious for a sec & say that boxer briefs have the best ratio of conveyance to presentation.
I guess I'd say my political beliefs are The Simpsons seasons 2-5.
Getting my kissing booth ready for the fair. I hope $3 for my choice of bicep and $5 for the pair seems reasonable.
The only thing I hate is when sitcoms try to get serious. Oh, and doing things. And going places. Come to think of it, a lot of people too.
Is there an app that will ensure I never see a mention of even the names "Palin" or "Breitbart" ever again?
Finally! Can't wait to start drunkenly explaining loop quantum gravity at the tavern once string theory isn't the pop physics go to concept.
In other news, at Mass today, a man in a, well, gold lamé dress was mad about the Governor of Illinois supporting gay marriage.
By the way, for the low, low price of only $8, any of you can come over and watch me drink port out of a WNYX mug.