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Guys I’m worried that if I’m ever in a fire I’ll get freaked out and ‘pop lock & drop’ instead of ‘stop drop & roll’
next time you are at a gallery yell out "HEY WHO ARTED" then everyone will laugh so much probably
we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
she died doing what she loved: looking at her phone while crossing the street
i will be SO annoyed if Ice T & Coco have a baby and it is not named after a seasonal beverage
brb getting upset over something i made up in my head again
no YOU'RE taking a pregnancy test in an ihop bathroom
LOOK HOW PATIENTLY IM WAITING FOR HIM TO RESPOND ITS LIKE I DON’T EVEN CARE
If I had a racehorse I'd name it "Gambling is a Serious Illness"
when ppl mop grease off their pizza with a napkin i like to pick it up & ring it out onto my slice idk its just a power thing i guess
Excuse me, lady working at this ice cream place, but its rude to be moving so slow when there are ppl in line who clearly have broken hearts
i saw the best minds of my generation make dat booty clap
vacation idea: coma
What if I just came into work, took like 9 donuts, put them in my bag, then just left.
lookin for a Combination Pizza Hut/ KFC/ Taco Bell/ Boyfriend
single & ready to die
honeysuckles have the best scent and the freak-nastiest name out of all flowers imo
charlotte's web presence
wish the kardashians would try keeping up with me for once
sneeze so hard mother f*ckers wanna bless me