Guys I’m worried that if I’m ever in a fire I’ll get freaked out and ‘pop lock & drop’ instead of ‘stop drop & roll’

v proud of myself cuz when the IT guy asked if i backed anything up it was so difficult but i did not yell DAT ASS i only whispered it

no YOU'RE crying in the checkout line at target

we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it

i will be SO annoyed if Ice T & Coco have a baby and it is not named after a seasonal beverage

mom dad this is my serious boyfriend a grilled cheese sandwich

i know nothin about flying planes but i give the pilot a reassuring nod when i board so they know if they need help i can prob figure it out

first off bees dont even have knees

i think the reason mcdonalds diet coke tastes different is cuz its not even made with real meat

RT if you’ve ever tried to tell someone not on twitter about a funny tweet you read/wrote but they “didn’t get it” & made a judgey face at u

man if u ever need to pump up a crowd of white folks play the fresh prince of bel air theme song

my signature move is to say somethin awkward and stay single

LOOK HOW PATIENTLY IM WAITING FOR HIM TO RESPOND ITS LIKE I DON’T EVEN CARE

just told all my real life friends in this car with me that i have like 5 internet boyfriends now were just driving in silence

its like no one will talk about this and tries to act like it didnt even happen ya ive said it before but #neverforget pic.twitter.com/OIXEGoZC

budget tip: die

oh nothing just doin some crunches I mean crunching basically im eating chex mix

Excuse me, lady working at this ice cream place, but its rude to be moving so slow when there are ppl in line who clearly have broken hearts

RT if you tweet just to find comic relief from your crippling anxiety

brb getting upset over something i made up in my head again