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Guys I’m worried that if I’m ever in a fire I’ll get freaked out and ‘pop lock & drop’ instead of ‘stop drop & roll’
we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
next time you are at a gallery yell out "HEY WHO ARTED" then everyone will laugh so much probably
i will be SO annoyed if Ice T & Coco have a baby and it is not named after a seasonal beverage
she died doing what she loved: looking at her phone while crossing the street
no YOU'RE taking a pregnancy test in an ihop bathroom
brb getting upset over something i made up in my head again
LOOK HOW PATIENTLY IM WAITING FOR HIM TO RESPOND ITS LIKE I DON’T EVEN CARE
Excuse me, lady working at this ice cream place, but its rude to be moving so slow when there are ppl in line who clearly have broken hearts
If I had a racehorse I'd name it "Gambling is a Serious Illness"
when ppl mop grease off their pizza with a napkin i like to pick it up & ring it out onto my slice idk its just a power thing i guess
What if I just came into work, took like 9 donuts, put them in my bag, then just left.
i saw the best minds of my generation make dat booty clap
vacation idea: coma
lookin for a Combination Pizza Hut/ KFC/ Taco Bell/ Boyfriend
charlotte's web presence
single & ready to die
star this tweet if you like me so i can show my mom and other hators
honeysuckles have the best scent and the freak-nastiest name out of all flowers imo
yo but on some real levels tho if you feel like you hate your body remember to be like “f that shit im stardust & im golden as hell”
Hi i made these tweets for you. industrial design 4 lyfe