@glitterplease's (Babstastical) most faved Tweets...
Just bought the cat a cat bed. He's too fat for it. I knew I shoulda got him a dog bed, but I didn't want to insult him. Damnit.
Is stabbing someone always considered "attempted murder" or can it ever be considered a "life lesson"?
I can't decide if I'm going to eat my emotions tonight or drink them. I do know that whichever path I choose, opiates will guide me.
Some nasty pregnant bitch just tried to go a round with me at a gas station. I will punch a pregnant ho. Especially one wearing a tube top.
I love when I unfollow someone and they unfollow me back. Just because YOU don't have anything interesting to say doesn't mean I don't!!
I wish vodka companies would just make some "cock infused" vodka. That's what I'm gonna end up sucking on at the end o' the night anyway.
The clothes gnome keeps sneaking into my closets at night and replacing my clothes with clothes that are all a size too small.
There is nothing worse than the sound of a cat padding away from your closet. What did he just do? Where did he do it? Not my________!!!
As I consulted the monkey and the giraffe on the dresser, I realized it WAS, in fact, time for more vicodin. The peacock just whimpers.
The worst thing about Halloween is I know I'll end up giving someone props for their white trash costume only it won't be their costume!!
It's funny how much you can tell about a person by the color and scent of their urine. And by funny I mean "WHY ME?!?"
When I hear "1 in 4 women misreads a traditional pregnancy test" what I really hear is "1 in 4 women are stupid"
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