Got pulled over today and cop said "papers"

So I said scissors

I WIN!!

Top 10 Things Men Know About Women:

1. We have a vagìna
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Oh, & tits!

If I could fly, I know who I'd shit on first.

Stranger:"Your tag is sticking out"

Me:"Does it say size 4?"

Stranger:"Yes it does"

Then don't touch it bitch,it's supposed to stick out

9 out of 10 men prefer women with big tits. The 10th guy prefers the other 9 guys.

My gyno is so HOT-Last time I saw him, he told me I have to quit masturbating. I asked why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

China: 1.5 billion people. 2 haircuts.

The judge asked the prostitute,"So when did you realize you were raped?" The prostitute replied, wiping her tears,"when the check bounced."

Just filled up my car at BP station. Walked inside to pay and accidentally took a shit on their floor.

Failed my biology class this semester. When asked what things are commonly found in cells..

Apparently, Mexicans was not a correct answer

You're the bomb.

No, YOOOUU'RE the bomb.

- Two Terrorists Complimenting Each Other

She grasped me firmly.Her touch so experienced, so sure.Her hands moved up my thighs,I shuddered,closed my eyes & then I boarded my flight

Grease is the word. No, mums the word. No, your Mum's the bird. Isn't the bird the word? Whatever, your Mom's a whore.

When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual."

My safe word is *Legs*

Spread the word.

Twitter: We're all here because we're not all there

Happy Birthday America....

Beacon of Freedom...

Leader of The Free World...

China's bitch.

If you have an erection lasting more than four hours...

....call me.

Thinking about having my asshole bleached but just can't picture him as a blonde.

Lisa Rinna's lips look like she swallowed a baboon but couldn't quite get the ass down.