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@gneicco's (David Singyke) most faved Tweets...
gneicco
I washed my hands of OCD. Again.
@gneicco
gneicco
The optimist says the glass is half-full; the pessimist that it is half-empty. The engineer says it's 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
@gneicco
gneicco
Pro Tip: Add "and shit" to everything you say to increase your street cred. Example: "I just ate a box of Ex-Lax and shit."
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gneicco
If one were to sum up Sarah Palin's career in a nutshell, that would be an appropriate receptacle.
@gneicco
gneicco
My brother Bob gets mad when someone spells his name backward. I think he inherited that from Mom. Or Dad.
@gneicco
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gneicco
If your only tool is an Oedipus complex, every problem begins to look like your mom.
@gneicco
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gneicco
Well, better get to work. These scissors aren't going to run with themselves.
@gneicco
gneicco
Poor ice cubes, melting in vain in the sink. You should be dying in the loving arms of scotch.
@gneicco
gneicco
Crossing your mom off my bucket list.
@gneicco
gneicco
I just came back from Safeway, where I picked up a MILF: A mignon I'd like to filet.
@gneicco
gneicco
Every person is someone else's weirdo.
@gneicco
gneicco
Wife's been gone for 10 days, so I've taken to leaving the toilet seat up.



Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
@gneicco
gneicco
Big fight with my wife last night over the proper use of a colander. Put a big strain on our relationship.
@gneicco
gneicco
What did the scientist-turned-prospector say when he accidentally dropped the giant gold nugget on his foot?


Au.
@gneicco
gneicco
When your only tool is a beaker, every problem looks like a solution.
@gneicco
gneicco
Set my Sleep Number bed to pi last night and had an irrational number of dreams about breaking my radius while shopping at Circle K.
@gneicco
gneicco
History repeats itself. Take swine flu, for example. It's an obvious case of plagueiarism.
@gneicco
gneicco
My superpower is getting my 19yo to clean the kitchen.
At gunpoint.

After nagging him for 3 days.

And paying him $20.

Wanna piece of me?
@gneicco
gneicco
White tea is the new cup of hot water.
@gneicco
gneicco
Right way vs. wrong way: Pee _before_ you cut up all those habaneros.
@gneicco
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