My cutting board is so emo

Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?

I could use a cat nap right meow

How about Occupy Job?

I've decided that I'll only tweet 8,675,309 tweets. My last one will just say "Jenny"

I found a pair of prescription sunglasses with wire frames on Inglis Street yesterday. I'm looking for the owner. Pls RT #Halifax

Hey Douchebags, stop pronouncing "basil" as bah-zil.

I am truly disappointed in the HRM for refusing to give Noctourne and HalCon funding. #disgusting #halifax

You know how some people can flip their eyelids inside out? Yeah, I wish I could do that with my belly button to get all the lint out

Can a man's "encounter" with a slut be referred to as a Hoemance? #validquestion

I'm gonna answer all the questions on Yahoo! Answers with "42". Just because it's the honest and right thing to do.

Nothing in my apartment gets violated more than my alarm's snooze button.

Hey #Halifax! Parking ban on tonight due to pending snow storm. Park elsewhere from 1am-6am.

I love this electric blanket. It's like all the hugs my father didn't give me, all rolled into one

I feel bad for lobsters. Not because they're delicious, but because they are unable to use an #iPhone :(

Today is the first day of "Roll up the Rim" at @timhortons
May the odds be ever in your favor

I've mastered the art of mentally rolling my eyes.

I was going to be an Angry Bird this Hallowe'en, but it's much easier being an Angry Bitch. #rabidpitbull

I don't have high standards when it comes to boyfriends. I just want someone who's strong enough to open my Rockaberry Cooler. #Canada

Apparently Tupac died 16 years ago. I have mixed feelings. On one hand I feel effing old, on the other I'm excited for his upcoming album.