@goldengateblond's (shauna. with a u.) recent favourites. See who @goldengateblond favs the most...
It is so fortunate when men who love and respect women have daughters; They will raise young women with healthy self esteem and confidence.
6
One day there were some puppies, and bunnies going to the park. At That same time a runaway trash truck was...
I can't even finish this.
I can't even finish this.
5
DON'T interrupt me while I'm singing "Part of Your World" to you at a bar. In front of your friends. Into a mic. With mermaid choreography.
15
I just got plagiarized on Facebook. For some reason I find this upsetting even though I know it's stupid. I feel a de-friend spree coming on
4
In order to burn all the 3000 calories I ate and drank in the last 2 hours, I probably need to set myself on fire. *BURP*
7
Wow, Jelly Belly got it right with this "Jerseylicious" flavored jelly bean... it actually tastes like tanning oil, hair gel and chlamydia!
8
Was getting really really pissed at whoever kept turning off the light in the bathroom. Then I realized it was on a sensor. #vodka
3
I like women with a great set of teeth. Yours look like you threw the pin instead of the grenade, but I dig bravery. #putdownpickuplines
2
It's about time that Sandra Bullock dumped Jesse James because he's been dead for over a century. Move on, Sandy. Move on.
You should be able to yell "it smells fishy!" at a formal dinner and not have a few girls run out crying.
9
Hubs fucking accused ME of goddamned swearing just for the sake of swearing.
Who does that Mother Fucker think he is? Fucking word police!
Who does that Mother Fucker think he is? Fucking word police!
7
Appreciate the shout outs @galwithaview and @JeanM617. Please help convince cabbie Barry Manilow's "Mandy" is pre-club buzzkill.
1
my fortune cookie reads "your mind is original, creative, and alert."
original = dirty, creative = twisted, alert = drunk.
BINGO!
original = dirty, creative = twisted, alert = drunk.
BINGO!
OMG! my nephew just became a fan of the Billy Graham Rapid Response Team.
I hope to god he did it for some pussy.
I hope to god he did it for some pussy.
13
I might have a problem. The cashier at the liquor store knows my name. Now I'm going to have to find a new store to go to everyday.
I just heard a shameless bastardization of Peter Bjorn's Young Folks in a Gerber commercial. Next, they're going to be stealing tweets.
8
Ok 4 1/2 hrs and $250 later, No embolism, Yay! Probably faking to not clean his room and get my attention, Boo!
4
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