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My Uber driver wants me to read his screenplay. GOODMORNING LA.
My Uber driver calls to say he's here & out of habit, I end the call with: "ok bye. I love you". THIS RIDE ISN'T GONNA BE AWKWARD AT ALL.
PROTIP: Buy delicious chocolate chip cookies for office. Call them 'lactation cookies'. No one will touch them, so you can eat them allllll.
I'm wearing ck one cologne, so if you don't want acid flashbacks of your high school crush don't come near me.
is there medication for the anxiety i feel when my phone battery is below 30%?
"the wind came in from the outside and went into my buns and that's how a fart happens" - my 3 year old genius boy child
my 3.5 year old is sad that the dinosaurs are now 'STINKED'.
If you're happy and you know it clap your... Actually, keep it to yourself. No one cares.
RIDICULOUS DILLEMA: I love tuna salad, but only when it doesn't taste like fish.
next time someone asks me what i do, i'm gonna respond "i keep house plants, tiny humans, and big dreams alive"
creative director, executive producer, and tea aficionado at @soulpancake.
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