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If you get married, choose someone who wants different things than you do. That way, the division of assets at your divorce goes smoothly.
Congrats @goodballs! @justmug picked your tweet as the "NO NONSENSE" tweet of the day!
The hornier you behave the less likely you are to be getting any.
There is plenty of food to feed the planet. It's international economic terrorism that has left people too impoverished to buy it.
This party needs more flute.
I asked a guy why he kept staring tonight and judging if he is only 5 foot four inches tall and he walked away. Bless me.
You know... Fucking pieces of shit who have amounted to nothing (other than amassing followers) and feel the need to dole out advice.
I watched a non kid's movie for the first time in months.
I'll be smoking behind the dumpsters with the other bad asses if you need me
I'm a wizard. Naked people make me uncomfortable. I love snow more than you love sex. I wish my eye lashes were longer.