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*goes to restaurant*
*on phone for 20 min before ordering*
*takes 15 pics of food*
*takes 10 group pics*
*complains it took 2 hours to eat*
Two dads meet, one dad says "Pleats to meet you" the other dad explodes
Oh jesus I fucking loathe some of you ridiculous pieces of shit. Really. Please get maimed tonight, preferably while you're whining again.
If my mom knew how many twitter followers I have she'd be even more disappointed in me.
If you're going to say "errrrybody" make damn sure you're adorable enough to pull it off, Todd, you dick.
I agree to podcasts in hopes my dad will hear one and come back.
If all this fighting ruins it, someone is gonna owe me a boob job.
Do you even bro, bro?
"And this is your brain on drugs."
*Points to Twitter.*
This is the worst fucking diary I've ever kept.
the topic is: bud light... lime.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Did The Dolphins win last night?
My bulge is just a ken doll.
*high fives self*
The only benefit to having a big dick is you have a reason to buy more cheese for your partner to eat off it.