Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
[sees girl reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame]
“Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] scores all those frickin touchdowns.”
Anyone know any Ebola jokes? Luv too read Ebola jokes
"haha thats retarded, bro"
excuse me, please don't use that word. my cat's retarded.
I need to move to LA before my makeup wears off and my hair falls flat because they both look amazing right now so I think I could make it!
if a girl asks "whats your sign" just say "im italian" and she will be like "omg me too"
Me: goodnight moon
Moon: *moon is typing*
Me: k well hit me up tomoro
*two days later*
I don't usually do this but..
*goes to bed*
[Playing catch outside with son]
Son, I want you to do great things one day. You won't because your awful stupid but I want you to try.
All I know is Toto blessed the rains down in Africa. So this whole Ebola thing is Australia's fault.
Remember when there was no twitter? All we had was writing BOOBS on a calculator.
Pat Robertson called gay rights activists “terrorists,” which makes sense because they always use violence to force guys to blow each other.
If this tweet gets 1000 stars my wife said she'll have sex with me again except this time without laughing.
A girl once called me unoriginal here, now she tweets her horoscope every day while I regularly tweet about my Grandma's prosthetic boob.
*swan dives into wood chipper*