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You left the milk out so I burnt all your clothes. Welcome to an adult relationship.
Twitter should really come up with a "Temporarily hide user's tweets until user gets their shit together" button.
Instead of sending a letter in a bottle, go one step further. Bottle up all your feelings, then throw yourself out into the ocean.
Twitter is like a confessional booth, except without the leering eyes of a sexual predator.
Congratulations on graduating community college! Alright let's practice, I'll ask for a fish filet combo with a sprite, now what do you say?
Seriously, coming up with tweets is as difficult as deciding which child to leave at a Kmart.
Whenever somebody says "guess what", I throw out 200 random guesses really fast then yell BOO in their face because fuck this game.
I throw Barbies in the microwave to see if Ken will save them. He never does. He does wave and smile though.
When you can sing like Adele can, then you can call her fat. Till then shut your mouth.