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Posting a "privacy notice" status on Facebook is like trying to prevent an oncoming bear attack by filling a restraining order on the bear.
How do we know Dr. Pepper isn't a woman?
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" -Steven Furtick
I heard the AOL "You've got mail" sound on this guys computer next to me. and I swear I had the computer equivalent of a Nam flashback.
The awkward when your brain adds the word "moment" even though its not actually there.
Apple could even come out with an iPhone 4SS and people will still go "well shit, this one has a better speaker, I just gotta have it"
If you say "my cocaine" you're also saying "Michael Caine" in his own voice. I'm flabbergasted.
New reports found the teenage birth rate is at a record low. Good, because it's real creepy when kids are born as fully developed teenagers.
Congress says pizza sauce is a vegetable. next thing you know oreo creme will be considered dairy and taco bell an official laxative drug
Why didn't we name species of animals by what sound they make like in Pokemon? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a pet woof or meow?
Instead of job title, I'm gonna judge how useful my future business degree will be solely on how many "Dilbert" comics I actually understand
Whoever says something is easy as pie has obviously never made pie. Maybe next time say it's easy as toast, or maybe pre-cooked dinners.
How is it we can count millions of votes and decide a President within the same night but it takes four days to grade my accounting exam?
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
I hate it when I open a bag of air and there are chips at the bottom
YES, IT FINALLY HAPPENED! Guy in front of me in MBI opened up his computer to the porn he forgot to close last night. I can die happy now.
Favorite Bane quote from Dark Knight Rises: "mufuwuh fumuhwhuh mu fu hufuwuh". Superb writing.
Arguing politics is like trying to tell someone their baby isn't cute.
I want to go back to a time where swag was class, gangstas were gangsters, and black and white photos weren't just fake artsy camera effects
If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to rip up my accounting exam, I STILL wouldn't know if those nickels would be debited or credited.
Boy meets world. World meets boy. Boy likes world. World ignores boy. Boy confesses his love. World wants to be just friends. Boy is sad. World is a bitch.