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You don't realize how dead Oxford is until you see the fact that there was no line at Chipotle today.
It must be national go to Walmart if you are a meth addict day in Omaha. Or maybe it's just an average day in good ole Nebraska
In heaven, you listen to the Beatles' MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR every day. In hell, you watch the Beatles' MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR every day.
First time I watch a #tigers game this season and Verlander basically gives the rangers 7 runs. Hoping I'm not bad luck.
Fun Fact What do Andy Dirks and Ty Cobb have in common? Both hit their first career Grand Slams on May 13th, 102 years apart #Tigers- SH
If you guys play your cards right you can probably beat me at any card game
HOW TO MAKE ANY FUNERAL INTO A FUNERAL: This Title Is Confusing But You Pronounce the Second One Like "Fun," Not "Fyoon," by Ken Jennings.
My favorite Mother's Day tradition is to call my mom with 100% battery on my phone and try to get her to stop talking before it dies.
Quote of the game, "Randolph is so good even though he couldn't jump over a phone book"
The highest and lowest points in the lower 48 states aren’t just in the same state, they’re in the same county—Inyo County, California.
A girl walks into a bar and ask the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.
[May 8, 2013] Happy Fibonacci day: 0 - 1 - 1 - 2 - 3 - [ 5 - 8 - 13 ] - 21 - 34 - 55 - 89 - 144 … Next one is Aug 13, 2021
People overuse "best friend" here is a test. Who do you text about your totally awesome dream you just had? That is your best friend
"You swam for miami? I used to swim in high school"
Ohhhh you did. Then you know exactly what it's like.
Boy meets world. World meets boy. Boy likes world. World ignores boy. Boy confesses his love. World wants to be just friends. Boy is sad. World is a bitch.
