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  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    My favorite flavor of punch is throat.

    • 392
    • FAVS
    WrdTrvlr69LadyLoLindasterlingevanbourgeoisalienJohnLyonTweetsICountBeansspinupteacherdinnersruined
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    WrdTrvlr69sterlingevanKizerBillhelmafro_DZac________Tech_PopulithedailymarkerTO_wonder_womanmwalker_03
    urbustaTreeWalrus________
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    I'm not offended easily, unless, of course you start bad-mouthing The Spice Girls.

    Then I slam your body down and zig-a-zig-ahh.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    daphygirl74WrdTrvlr69NJOJohnLyonTweetsICountBeansspinupteacherbotandyhiitsmolly
    • 210
    • RETWEETS
    SchereeyaitsjustmeMereWrdTrvlr69PretzelNYdinnersruineddkirbykirbzsamwooTheFKY
    Pineapple_Cake_nativerogueCarolinaSong
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Does anyone know the difference between an elk and a deer?

    Cos I think I just ran over a cyclist.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    MamaOwlParaitsjustmeMereWrdTrvlr69KellieLouise8__sterlingevanMcCPeggypjacobs10mandamarie47
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    itsjustmeMereWrdTrvlr69sterlingevanChiefTwittler8rustystaplesLurkAtHomeMomNem0philistGR3GV____________
    TheFearBoners____
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    I'm okay being friends with a "lol" person even though I'm a "haha" person.

    That's how open-minded I am as an individual & stuff.

    • 180
    • FAVS
    sterlingevanMcCPeggyJohnLyonTweetsSuunuxtaniinoICountBeanssKyle1092abidhqaka_fatman
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    KennedyPurcellICountBeanssPurpleRanger10hopyardmathisondinnersruineddarlingshelly72SinghSawantDoggingNinja
    Jaden76
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    No, I don't see why I have to wear pants just to answer the door.

    • 218
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetspinupteacherhiitsmollyDillDoesdinnersruinedafro_DZac________brekittyxAllie_Ahhaaaa
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    EspeonHimedinnersruinedkatelinriverajohngayseeAbbyHakesdarlingshelly72K_blueLMacd1
    phantomchords
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    My friends think I'm shallow, but their opinion doesn't count cos they're ugly.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    sterlingevanrylesstylesCelebrityChezGinGander8rustystaplesbeerito_danjan1312spoopy11u
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    PretzelNYmrashid55GinGander8rustystaplesJohnLyonTweetsdkirbykirbzx_temptress_xPineapple_Cake_
    8rustystaplesAceso76
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Um, you guys, I'm in public & my battery's at 50%.

    Scour the news later for:
    'Gay man has panic attack, sets bar on fire.'

    • 184
    • FAVS
    sterlingevanJohnLyonTweetsafro_DZac________darlingshelly72thedailymarkervanslynktat2skatermomNosyGirlNYC
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    sterlingevanmwalker_03Michelle824TMcgutsshkeeberwashere__roguefurrybearjeepguyTOPretzelNY
    JolieEsprit
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Pick up off the floor.
    Visually inspect.
    Sniff.
    Wear.

    - How I get dressed every morning

    • 173
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetspinupteacherDallanivanslynkseraina_gtTracey_Ann_CsheschiAlexPicardat
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    troll_pollalexrodriguez22sheschishkeeberwashere__favstar_historymike_reid20______BigBec43dkirbykirbz
    nerfspur
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Before Twitter, the only things I learned about Canada came from South Park.


    I still don't know shit aboot Canada.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    sterlingevanMcCPeggypinupteacherdinnersruinedUrbanDouchebagdarlingshelly72shkeeberwashere__oblivious_angel
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    darlingshelly72dkirbykirbzPineapple_Cake_chagger73SRbetaCrzySeed__________LadyBombs________eightbitrobot
    kevnasto
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    My crushes do this sweet thing where they make sure I'm safe by having security escort me off the premises.

    • 151
    • FAVS
    LadyLoLindastrangeHelenasterlingevanMcCPeggyJohnLyonTweetspinupteacherdinnersruinedDallani
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    sterlingevanTMcgutsshkeeberwashere__thepelosaMoodymimzy__CronosLilWitchBigBec43dkirbykirbz
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    If I star and/or RT your shit, it's cos I have a raging boner for you.

    Or you're funny or whatever.

    I don't really know how to twitter.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    strangeHelenasterlingevanJohnLyonTweetsshkeeberwashere__oblivious_angelPretzelNYBigBec43dkirbykirbz
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    sterlingevanBigBec43djskill3tProbablyButNo____smokeymccheefochagger73FGsPlayThingCelticMoonDance
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Contrary to what you might hear, not all Tweeters are potheads.

    Or alcoholics.

    Or sex addicts.

    Or disturbed.

    Some of them are spam bots.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    McCPeggyJohnLyonTweetspinupteacherdinnersruinedoblivious_angelXplodingUnicornBigBec43KizerBillhelm
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    die_Vryburger_BigBec43theawkwardfuldjskill3tchagger73JandtheCrewnativeroguemrgore28
    osigatbitchpersonifyd
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    I need you to look deep into my eyes when you choke me.

    • 137
    • FAVS
    pinupteacheroblivious_angelPretzelNYbooyahchadlysamyseeemrsmizzarkrenees_echos______BigBec43
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historymrsmizzarkBigBec43dkirbykirbznuminouswords____sphynx42onhhabibFeliciovs
    LithiumJunkie
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Look, if you begin your sentence with "everybody was..." I will totally cut you off & say "KUNG FU FIGHTING?!?"

    Every. freaking. time.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    McCPeggypinupteacheroblivious_angelDallyDollAngelaEhhKittenWrittenNateIsntFunny__KizerBillhelm
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    thepelosan64bondplayer____NateIsntFunny__BigBec43djskill3tfavstar1000favslaffytakkyWVRoyalty
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    "I love you" can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to "I got this round."

    • 115
    • FAVS
    McCPeggyJohnLyonTweetspinupteacheroblivious_angelitsangiekbyeDana_BrunoKizerBillhelmtheawkwardful
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    McCPeggythepelosaBigBec43djskill3tJarelTheArtistamandat1111AttackOfRack______chagger73
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Apparently rolling your eyes and making jerk off gestures isn't considered appropriate during office meetings.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    LadyLoLindasterlingevanJohnLyonTweetspinupteacheroblivious_angelgrasshoppergirlShapeofaGirl3__Stacks
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    strangeHelenasterlingevanthepelosagrasshoppergirlBigBec43nativerogueZombieionismGorrdano
    nerfspur
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Hey guys, how many stars qualifies as 'star fucking?'
    Does less than 5 count as 'star groping?'
    'Star reach-around?'

    I'm fine being single.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    McCPeggyoblivious_angelnursesaricaHorsecoqisfunnyBigBec43dkirbykirbzKizerBillhelmtheawkwardful
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    BigBec43kevnastoGorrdanocouture3186AnnoyinglyhappyZombieionismJay1972JayCelticMoonDance
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Freedom of choice doesn't mean you should choose to be an asshole.

    • 95
    • FAVS
    pinupteacheroblivious_angelgoonumbertwo______kittysfinePineapple_Cake_suzieQ0007BigBec43KizerBillhelm
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    kittysfinesaidpacPineapple_Cake_thepelosatadpoleno3BigBec43cueBall1376apethagreat103
    SlayerSays________
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    When exactly is 'Hammer Time' and why do I have to 'Stop' for it?

    I'm too legit to quit asking.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    sterlingevanTorriableoblivious_angelKizerBillhelmAceso76nhhabiblaffytakkygoulden_eye
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsmrsmizzarkBigBec43kevnastoJolieEspritAllanAldredCreeptasmLithiumJunkie
  • grammar_cunt
      Duane Barry @grammar_cunt

    Every time someone quickly averts their eyes after making eye contact with me, I whisper, "I was hurt by love before too."

    • 77
    • FAVS
    fusedudetawntawn7sianiflewog79crypticsyntropy__thatdutchpersonGeanina_26K__jsteinbrechsynthtuner
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    thatdutchperson79legendaryalt_shuff__theraihanahpinupteacherOchy_ZacharyharpercutieRadOrDie
@grammar_cunt

@grammar_cunt

An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.