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I'm not ready to outlive The Spice Girls.
My face inspires disclosure from strangers but I wish my dead-eyed stare would inspire brevity.
I haven't really found my shtick. Some people use formats, others are serial @-ers & hashtaggers.
I roll my eyes a lot, I guess.
People throw around the word "nerd" too often where "geek" is more accurate.
These are things that make me old timey man angry.
If things get you down, remember that in a year or less,literally nothing from today will matter.Unless today happens to be the day you die.
There's a moment of sheer bliss right before the point of no return from having crammed all the cookies down your food opening.
The post-modern search for a respectable gentleman includes sharing an entire catalog of x pics before even meeting.
It shouldn't be this hard to get out of bed to go to a job I hate.
I only wish I had a sparkly faced entourage.
Trying my best to limit my cuntiness with people today.
It's not anyone's fault I have an awareness of everyone's stupidity.
When you can't fake smile your way to happiness, try slapping a bitch or two.
Educating others on correct apostrophe usage is a cause I can really get behind.
I knew my wasbund and I wouldn't work out that time he absolutely refused to watch Britney: For the Record with me.
I'm still heated over the time I got bested by a telemarketer at my old job once.
I've set my standards to "knows appropriate apostrophe use."
I pretty much will only flake on plans if I'm too hungover, which I warn you of every time. I'm pretty dependable like that.
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down. snapchat: grammar_cunt
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