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My annual review is today & I'm hoping I don't accidentally call my cunt supervisor a cunt.
Though I'm secretly hoping I do.
I don't know if my fingers are getting too fat for my keyboard, or if I'm caring less about where they land.
I'm totally a whore on social media. What few know is that I'm not a whore in real life, but more of a trollop. 🍭
I kinda jumped from surprise at a coworker's drawn-on eyebrows.
She looked permanently surprised too.
I guess there's no right tone or nice way to say, "I'm so sorry your baby looks exactly like the father."
I dropped out of the finest community colleges in California.
Nothin like the smell of cigarette smoke & bitches on a night out on the town.
Those places you just can't revisit because the baggage is too heavy.
I win over friends with genuine sweetness & keep them with horrible bitchiness. 🌹
When the same stupid friend keep texting you the same stupid misspelled text, interrupting your porn experience.
Welp, as it turns out, the idea of fisting is much different than the act of.
Unrelated, I need to replace my not-so-holy Kabbalah string.
When you have that one super hot friend you want to see naked, but like in a totally platonic way that involves a camera & some lube?
A lot of my focus is aimed on remaining aloof while hiding the sheer panic of trying not to stumble when I walk.
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.