Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
It's not you, it's your snapchats.
**Tries to look hip while in the drive-thru line at McDonald's.**
Trying to reach optimal feng shui in my office desk drawers is pretty stressful.
As time goes by, your face slowly fades from my memory, but your memory remains forever strong in my heart.
Perpetually lulled into a false sense of security by unruly shoelaces that refuse to play by the rules.
[At the office]
You wanna know about cool?
Check out these wicked sick excel spreadsheets.
(Continues to die inside)
Sometimes I'm just holding out to see if his bottom half is more interesting.
You think a woman is scary when she says nothing's wrong?
Try dating a gay man.
There's pulling it together, and then there's fancy new shoes. Can't seem to do both yet but at least my feet are well-decorated.
My capacity for intellectual and aesthetic distinctions is diminished by the fact I could never really pull off wearing a beret.
I'm afraid the only insight I have to offer today is that literally everything & everyone you know will die.
And red velvet cupcakes rock.👍
Kinda always worried I'm not wearing the right shoes for any unexpected dance-offs.
Keeping things fresh by incorporating more finger snapping in my entrances and exits.
Hope I haven't used up all my heavy sighing for today.
I didn't make it this far into my adulthood by answering phone calls.
Being the bigger person hurts more because you're able to handle more.
My advice to couples in love who move in together: be sure to hide your quarters.You never know when he'll become a junkie & steal your shit
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.