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I don't understand why it's so hard to find a good person to love...in LA...who is hot...and not riddled with rampant STDs...and not short.
Ever the idealist, I just want to live in a world where people write better work emails that don't waste anyone's life.
Can we stop making snapchat vids of assholes lip syncing in their cars a thing?
Party intros with Duane Barry:
Cousin: Do you remember my friend, Roxana?
DB: I don't, but you mustn't take it personal. I drink a lot.
It's okay to not be invited to someone's wedding.
I MEAN, WE WERE ONLY BEST FRIENDS IN KINDERGARTEN, YOU FORGETFUL BITCH.
I'm just too fat to be a SoCal gay.
I guess I've gotten really good at lurking lately.
Of all the unsexy noises to hear while you're trying to concentrate on rubbing one out, your neighbor calling their dogs in isn't too bad.😀🔫
Everything is better if you imagine a doo-wop group singing behind you throughout your entire day.
Your face looks great for boxing.
People take mashing their genitals together way too seriously.
I just hope that when my time comes, I can say I knew all the correct lyrics to the songs that mattered.
I want to be popular enough on social media to inspire strangers to draw terrible pictures of me.
You went from "handsome" to "dead to me" with the utterance of "my boyfriend said..."
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down. snapchat: grammar_cunt
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