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My biological clock is put on snooze after aborting my lover's seed out.
Whatever words we say or don't say, the way you feel about me is always present in your eyes.
At the end of it all, I won't be thinking of X, Y or Z.
I'll only be thinking of U.
Don't forget to stretch before running from yourself.
Friends are getting married & sharing their happiness via Facebook.
Meanwhile, Duane Barry continues to pair riesling with heavy sighs.
It's the moment I reach out to friends, feeling all loving and invested that I realize oh hey, I'm DRUNK!
I so rarely get visited by my family, when it does occur, I immediately shout, "IS THIS AN INTERVENTION?! I SHOULD PROBABLY WEAR PANTS."
When your body's telling you to kinda just cool it for a minute with the drinking and you're all, "SHUT UP, I HAVE FREE WILL OVER YOU!"
I never know what to do when faced with a poop stand off, but shit gets real pretty quick.
There are times when life is stinkier than it looks.
Probs because some people don't believe in courtesy flushes. 🌹
Snapchats so lame, you're okay with the idea of dying alone while clutching pearls and a bottle of whiskey.
Lady cankles are among the more delicate things I have little desire to see. 👡🌂👜
Found a gray IN MY EYEBROWS so I guess I'm distinguished and ready to be adorably racist and other old people things now.
All my pain, sorrow and horrid frustration is erased for a few hours of beautiful love-making.
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.