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My "Once upon a time" begins with me just sighing at my phone at night.
I hate when people add "jk" at the end of jokes. It kills the joke for me and tells me you're an asshole.
Follow me all over the world as I roll my eyes at various things and maybe do some pointing.
I feel like y'all shouldn't know what I'm out there favoriting. I'm not ready to handle that kind of judgment.
I knew you two phones ago. Things were simpler and in less resolution back then.
Try not to fuck things up today if you know you're not pretty enough to coast by on your looks.
Kevin Costner's career died for your sins.
I forgot to evolve into something more entertaining.
Previously, on "I didn't think you were going to be such a jerk..."
Sure he's into you but does he photograph well?
You look better when you're someone else.
I hate that I'm too special for just anyone.
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.
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