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I go where life takes me.
Lately, it takes me to the couch.
Thanksgiving is the gayest of all the holidays.
"I'm bound by my desire to dance," I tell any potential suitors who might accidentally fall in love with me at the bar.
"It's not too late to give up and become a drifter with a super sweet beard," I say to myself as I fill with anxiety before seeing family.
Had all but given up on life until I realized I have snacks in my cupboard.
A friend just told me she hates cake, specifically frosting and now I don't know if we can continue being friends.
The great thing about being a single bachelor is not having to share peanut butter or the tissue I use crying over my crippling loneliness.
I'm pretty over this internet age.
Ready for like the death of selfies and the birth of whatever is between Mad Max and maybe The Jetsons?
Internet, please tell me what to be offended by today. I have some free time and am out of the loop.
The kind of morning where you silently pray to get hit by a car just so you can get out of work for a few days.
I've never been personally victimized by a bad yelp review, but it makes me no less awful.
An international man of mystery with a constant yearning to boogie down.
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