@laina622 I've had your parody stuck in my head the instant I woke up each of the last 2 days. It has been a terrible experience.

Looking through band photos. This one turned out kind of awkward.... pic.twitter.com/kX5zJllf

I hate when people in social media call themselves "ninjas". I don't call myself an insurance software warlock because that's not a thing.

Got home from the @abandonkansas show around 2am last night. Needless to say, I will be basically worthless at work today.

"He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good."

RLRT @mattwinder: "I was just hanging out, enjoying August, then BAM! October shows up and says, 'Eff you!'"

@maeband Mostly happy. I also like to listen to (m)orning, (a)fternoon, and (e)vening during their respective times of day.

Westboro Baptist Church Goes To Mississippi – And Loses http://bit.ly/h1S84P

"They're Canadian. It has to be good." - @leolaporte regarding @hover

I can't believe it took me 26 years to start eating yogurt.

Well, that asteroid didn't hit us.

RLRT @mattwinder: "You know what WOULD be awesome? Fruit by the mile!"

@melissamflood I read the end of that as if you were a pirate asking someone to hold your vodka.

@brittonwilson Hopefully nobody in the class is having sex. That would be pretty awkward.

It's here. Thanks @prodigydisc and @schusterick! #DiscGolf pic.twitter.com/RFsWAV6A

I'm easily entertained. Text conversation with @nealyb:  http://twitpic.com/bj2p8u 

It's a good thing that I have Christmas music as my ringtone now.

Trick-or-treater quote of the night: "I told you this was the jackpot!" This is why we give out full-size candy on Halloween.

I drove a bear in a suit to the office today.

Experience includes 100% parental acceptance rate, as well as proven long-distance capabilities. References available upon request.