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well son, your mother would make jokes on Twitter dot com and I would respond to them in a weird and intrusive way, and the rest is history
I wonder when we'll get a female recasting of the presidency, or a female reboot of a man's salary. I would geek out so hard over that
"I'd bang her" and "I'd never bang her" are both elaborately constructed fantasies where the speaker has been given a choice
we did it you guys. we watched the whole thing
hard to believe it'll be another 30 years before every terrible camera phone on earth aligns with the moon
tiny toons is about a desperately mediocre generation trying to "learn" comedy at a for-profit college in a corporate-owned town
oh, the container store? you've never bin??
mike and I got engaged last night! how about that!!!
sext: your Tetris block body falls into mine. there is not 1 pixel between us. we flicker with glorious completion and disappear forever
mike married my ass
pony bro culture only exists because girls' entertainment is considered "lesser" by default and needs to be heightened by male enjoyment
when is technology going to stop trying to get me to speak out loud to it. I'm never going to do that
boyfriend and I are thinking of heading over to ikea to try one of their famous couples fights
when a dude touches me in conversation it sets off something primal in me: the suspicion that he read a book about dating
accidentally kicked a rat crossing the sidewalk. new york bitches
girl are you a stupid cartoon for kids because I'm a nerd and I like you
Cartoon lady. You don't wanna get mixed up with me. Octopus Pie, SVA teacher, Marceline comics. Heidi is my dog.
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