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"Merry Birthday!" that's how you know people are too drunk. #christmaswtf
Saw a woman wearing a "Santa, define GOOD" t-shirt today. Should have read "Santa, define LAME."
Being scolded for spending too much time on the internet. I wish I had MORE time to spend on the internet.
Machete don't tweet.
I am in such a fucking good mood. I'm not even being sarcastic. It's real.
Sometimes I see twitter updates and attempt to like them facebook style and then I realise my life is pathetically sad.