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Curiosity doesn't kill anything, stupidity does.
I don't date on the first fuck.
Don't send a hand to do a tongue's job.
Love is like a unicorn. I don't have a unicorn.
Those who look the strongest hide the deepest wounds.
Twitter is the second place, after my head, where I have total freedom of speech.
I would walk on Lego for you.
A good tweet is often wasted on the wrong audience.
It's called high school because that's when they discover weed.
Every solid Twitter relationship should start with a good starfuck.
Twitter elite are like politicians.
People follow them blindly and many things they say get more validation than they actually deserve.
You think getting me is hard? Try keeping me...
Last night, a thief snuck into my house. He was looking for money. I chose not to call the police and started looking with him, instead.
Growing up does not mean losing your inner child, it means strengthening the armor around it.
A woman is a work of art, not a collectible.
Friends are there for you as long as your happiness doesn't upset them; beyond this line, you're on your own.
Cleopatra used to bathe in milk, Napoleon in champagne. I bathe in my own goddamn ignorance.
I hate tight pussies! - No man, ever.
In a gay couple, who makes the sandwich after sex?
High heels, because you always need something to shove down his throat.