Oh Ledley Ledley, He's only got one knee, He's better than John Terry, Oh Ledley Ledley. YIDDO!!! #LongLiveTheKing #LedleyTheLegend

I love it when I write a tweet that is exactly 140 characters...............................................................................

My argument technique is the quiet contemplation, followed by throwing a chair, then shouting cunt.

So are The Red Hot Chilli Peppers still singing about heroin?

Apparently Chris Brown is Amir Kahn's new trainer. Congratulations Chris.

If you thought that Red Hot Chilli Peppers tweets was edgy get a load of this; I don't particularly like Bob Dylan Watcha goin to do bout it

@filmfan1971 Brad Pitt eating things http://t.co/zRw2jTix

Since most of my new followers are from America, I probably can't tweet as much about football, or as you crazy lot call it, lynching.

If you're a person who likes to use the phrase 'banter', you're a bad person.

I like to keep up with the news, for instance I keep talking about that Scott Peterson trial. It's the talk of the town.

I only ever eat half a tub of Ben and Jerry's because Jerry is a piece of shit.

Are Koreans the hillbillies of Asia?

I just took 5 viagra pills. You are now all pregnant.

Apparently my balls smell like a rotting corpse that has been dumped in a swamp and then shit on by a diabetic man.

I've gained about 12 followers in the last 5 minutes thanks to @iamenidcoleslaw You'll all be gone soon due to the mediocrity of my tweets

My least favourite thing about sex is when you have to clean your laptop.

Film idea: two police officers hunt for a serial killer... IN SPACE. Title: Mr Popper's Penguins 2 The Squeakquel

@pattonoswalt Does this mean you're not going to be on O&A again? #MommyAndDaddyFighting

I heard that @slashfilm has a cock the size of a boa constrictor #SRE

I heard that @slashfilm parted the red sea #SRE