@bertiejcat you did not run 9.4 miles. I'm sorry but that's just not true.

holy shit. my band is opening for #ironmaiden in august. i might have given myself diarrhea over this.

@gfitzp Your whole outlook on life is gonna be shiny and new.

I am writing the screenplay for the movie that NEEDS TO BE MADE OUT OF THIS. HOLLYWOOD, GET READY

Taekwondo instructor/failed politician/musician/insurance agent frames Elvis impersonator in a plot to kill Obama, over an online feud.

When I hear someone's been "radicalized" I immediately think of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

@arbitral or the shorter version of this, which is "Life happens", which always makes me want to say "I wish it wasn't happening to you"

In response to the "nice guys of okc" tumblr, I really want someone to start a "douchey broads of okc" tumblr

I could read @angela8912 tweets about rock stars all day.

Urban Friday

I don't care that Chuck Berry liked to pee on girls. That dude wrote "Roll Over Beethoven"

.@gfitzp i'm eating a veggie sub and watching star trek the next generation. #heyladies

1 bag of cranberries, 1 cup of water, 1 cup of sugar= 1000% better than that canned shit. #thanksgiving #themoreyouknow #rainbowacrossthesky

i'm not gay, but if the singer for the new bomb turks asked me to suck his dick, i'd have to think it over.

@danadearmond A Fistful Of #danadearmondsbutthole

fuck yeah. via buzzfeed: Republican New York Senator Comes Out For Gay Marriage With Awesome Quote http://t.co/qhNoJqC

bosses want me to call clients' children, pretending i'm santa. i said fuck that shit. you guys are gonna get me on dateline nbc

Crack, kidnapping women, and Dave Chappelle sketches aside... Rick James made some fucking awesome music.

I don't know what a magic marker tastes like, but I think this protein bar tastes like a magic marker

@vampira666_ This picture is totally playing with my emotions right now.