If cher could really turn back time, do you think she would nurture chastity more?

What I lack in good decision making, I make up for in cool toys.

Is celibate an advanced sexual position?

I'm bringing adequate back....

Bill Pullman is the Bill Paxton of irrelevancy.

Have school aged children always been assholes?

I like favstar_bot12 much better than favstar_bot16...that bot is a douche.

"There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's." Challenge accepted.

My kids are fighting about who hates Justin bieber more. So far its the 6yo with threats of a chainsaw to his face. #proudfather

Why would you even lie about liking big butts?

Will Kobe Bryant come back from this? Of course he will. It's not like he raped the ref.

If I could cry on cue I wouldn't have to hire hookers to hit me in the balls so I could feel something about my divorce.

the worst time to have a heart attack during a game of charades..

I can't believe I'm missing the one time of the year you are legally allowed to kick mothers and children in the face for the last xbox360.

You guys that spit tobacco into coke bottles....stop that shit. It's fucking nasty!

Drew Barrymore's chin has its own Twitter...

When a ginger tells you they are friendly, don't believe them... More than likely if they get that close to you, they already have your soul

Americas contribution to the cheese world makes me want to pretend to be on the phone when we pass each other on the street.

If recycling were as fun as burning tires, I would be the greenest motha effer in town.

I live in Tennessee where the tea is sweet, the air is clean, the rape is statutory, and the violence is domestic.