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If you're watching Big Bang Theory, maybe you should CHANG the channel! #Community
I'd rather be effable than affable.
People with clones: how can you live with yourself?
When I'm the only one who retweets something, I feel all indie.
Remember the footprints on the beach thing? That wasn't me. But hey, remember the phone call with the heavy breathing?
The only thing new twitter needs is a mouseover display telling you whether someone follows you or not. And WHY.
Friended by an old crush: "No way!" When you see their profile picture: "Definitely no way."
I can never make fun of a housewife for "never missing her stories" because mine are damn cartoons.
humans will outlive spiders because we can be on fire longer
Mother, you do not "love Chromeo." Poser.
I wonder how many actors have shoved an Oscar up their ass?
See you next year! Seriously, go away for a year. I hate you.
Drinking. Thinking about blocking friends & family, making twitter my sexual playground.
"You see that Starbucks? Know what used to be there?" "An orange grove?" "No, a Burger King... you can see the original architecture."
My dreams are always about impossible stuff, like flying or breathing fire or quitting my job because I have another one lined up.
When I die, I'm going to wish I'd spent more time living. Specifically a longer time.
I'm not taking advice from someone named Kym.
Rap Game... of THRONES! hahaha
Just found this out: originally the post-credits scene for the Avengers was one where Nick Fury recruits the Avengers for the Avengers.
We're all hacks, you guys. High five.