@gusryder <3

I've spent 10 years trying to find my 8th grade math teacher on Facebook

@gusryder i feel like a cougar hahaha

Australia's population will reach 23 million people tonight. I blame Tony Abbott for not stopping the boats yet.

congratulations Adam Scott. so fucking proud right now.

You can try to make yourself believe that drugs aren't bad for you. But the truth is drugs are bad for you. Period.

i feel like you can tell how good a thai restaurant is by how good the pun in their name is

@elliott_jw You, my friend, are my new favourite person in the world. You fucking little hooter. Well done.

150 dollar small cat emporium with matching swing set and heated bedroom: Meh

Small pink ball: OHMYGODIMFREAKINGTHEFUCKOUT

- My cat

Real men, are raging heterosexuals who also appreciate good tweets by other men.

Will I #bludgeon the dance floor & #finesse numerous ladys tonight? Yes, but not before I beef countless #reps at a mens' #gymnasium.

I don't know man, Police really lack in the intimidation department when they ride around on little bicycles

I feel like a boss, coz cats be hummin' on my nuts.

You're going to start making pizza, not shit now?“@dominos_au: Can you guess what our biggest announcement in 20 years is? #gamechanger"

My brain just told me that Ron Swanson is the evolved version of Ryan Gosling and really who am I to argue?

I like our Twittership. In which we quietly star and RT each other and never actually talk.

Lions may be the king of the jungle but their smaller relatives rule the internet.

Every time a guy uses the phrase "bros before hoes", he should forced to watch his parents fuck.

Alcohol is like +100 strength +100 charisma -1000 wisdom -1000 intelligence

The people I like mistake my friendliness for flirting and the people I like like mistake my flirting for friendliness.