"Umm, I wasn't" -Argentina (in response to Evita)

A million rats in NYC. Add a big exercise wheel. Free electricity. Just DM me my Nobel prize.

101 dalmations is animal hoarding.

Hey Meatloaf's girlfriend! I would do that. Call me.

What you guys don't see is that I move like Stevie Wonder when I type these tweets.

Twitter is like the matrix, in that I know Kung Fu on twitter, but not in real life.

Drank a trenta, pooped a latte.

I can't believe Obama let Pearl Harbor happen. #foxnews

99% of you would die in Willy Wonka's factory.

"Oh yeah! Oh NOOOOOOO!" -Fried Kool-Aid

Tweeting is a fartform, and I am a fartist. (Those f's are silent... but deadly)

Actually, I prefer the hose over the lotion.

Paul McCartney looks like a soccer mom.

Prince could save the world from obesity with one song about portion control, but he won't.

Did that one guy end up turning Japanese?

Thank you for replacing my father's love one star at a time.

The beginning of this tweet doesn't matter because the end is about me hating the Gin Blossoms. Well, I guess the end didn't matter either.

Egyptians are probably really good at making emoticons

You wouldn't eat oatmeal if you knew what the Quaker Oats guy was smiling at.

It's funny how car companies think we can afford to surprise loved ones with luxury automobiles.