@postsecret Asking my mother for advice would be much easier if she wasn' so damn *right* all the time.

Proposed: given the human brain is largely a lumpy, unreliable pattern matching machine, art is the games we play on that machine.

Novelty twitter account idea: does nothing but reply to people tweeting about how great Avengers is by saying "I still haven't seen it"

Current status: writing drunk, editing sober

three parts nature, two parts nurture, and a twist of fate

@elight I feel like Data. One day, I will figure this humor thing out.

@petitemao End result: pic.twitter.com/aZa8D5Te1z (via:  https://twitter.com/DawnRivers/status/292565219182526464 … )

@lindseybieda Here is a video of photographer @kylecassidy struggling to get his cat, Roswell, to take some medicine  http://youtu.be/BMTtEpz69ss 

.@heyitsliam My niece is still calling everything "dog". Alpacas, bears, monkeys? All are "dog".

Everyone else's fascination with Tilda Swinton sleeping publicly in a glass box makes me slightly uncomfortable.

@elight RT @jimmy_wales: OMG this is so fucking cool. Scroll to the bottom. Cards against Humanity, you are the best.  http://ow.ly/gb5H2 

I want to send some packages labeled "FRAGILE - PLEASE BREAK"
Surely someone's done this already.

@kolchak "Just when you thought it was safe to BLANK your BLANK…"

@mpseudo Then if this tweet gets five favs, you need to delete it.

Brains are pretty messed up things.

Today my todo list is to take my brother-in-law out for a run and his dog out for a walk.

@brownpau http://t.co/i2F4cg0O

"@vpace RT @rynskald Does Obamacare cover my Skyrim character?" Yes, but with an explicit exclusion for projectile-induced patellar injuries

I haven't seen Community yet either, I'm just doing this as a news service to my friends.

The miliHelen, named after Helen of Troy, is the amount of beauty sufficient to launch a ship.