Cigarettes are so disgusting but keep smoking them so I can be prettier and healthier than you for the rest of our lives.

Bumper sticker I just saw - "God doesn't believe in athiests"

Lol god doesn't know how to spell either

I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO THINKS I'M THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD

I'm at whataburger and this is happening pic.twitter.com/kwWIohlN0O

Unfair that everyone only loves America (and each other) when bad stuff happens.

If you like sour cream, we're friends.

Gummy panties have 163 calories.

Oh Edgar pic.twitter.com/L95Ab9h2

I wish people on Tumblr knew that Brand New has more songs than Jesus Christ and Play Crack the Sky.

My least favorite thing is black people in a movie theater. Shut the hell up.

Eat a lot of pizza. Make a lot of love.

In @spann we trust

I lived a good life but I just found a video of goats yelling like humans and now I'm dead.

Violence sucks. Censorship sucks more. Sit your kids down and tell them about the world. You brought them into it.

Nobody ever takes my eyes off of you.

I can eat chickfila again! http://t.co/CpeKQn6R

Your nails look like bugles great job

You aren't cooler or better because you farted out a human.

The best thing about FB christians right now is that they don't know how to respond to my non religious marriage.

At what age is it appropriate to start killing human beings?