Twitter..cause the words in your head have to go somewhere.

I got an iPhone and got on twitter. Dropped out of book club.

Strong is what happens when you don't have any other choice.

I know this may surprise the hell out of you.. but most of the funniest ladies on twitter have never used the word vagina.

Why hasn't someone opened a jiffy lube where you can get a Mani/pedi while you wait. Someone get on that.

I need to talk to you.

Six scariest words ever.

Work is so cute when it tries to compete with twitter.

Just worked up a sweat putting on my new workout clothes. That counts, right?

Laughter is the best medicine for almost everything except a bad haircut.

Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have.

More people in my real life desperately need to embrace the 140 character limit.

Kiss slowly, forgive quickly, have no regrets.

Favstar .. the greatest trick the devil ever played.

It's entirely possible Twitter was invented by someone sitting in a doctors waiting room.

I don't know how you guys consistently come up w such funny stuff.

After 3 kids, I can barely write a complete

Inside every old person there is a young person saying WTF?

It's scary how much power you can have over someone simply by not answering your phone.

Only a few people care. The rest are just curious.

Unfortunately more cowbell ain't gonna solve this problem.

Friends don't let friends follow them on Twitter.