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omfg sex is gross, why does everyone look so angry and constipated
MY MUM JUST CALLED HERSELF A MILFSHAKE
u know what, i'm gonna start using gay as a positive adj and confuse the fuck out of everyone. 'u got married!!?! awww that's so gay!'
im still in shock. that actually just happened. i legit danced to gangnam style in front of 2000 people in a morphsuit. jesus fucking christ
cool thing about blowing ur nose and pissing at the same time is that ur piss comes out fast as a jet (im lonely)
someone just asked me if I was worth following on twiter and I replied 'I guaranTEASE it' winked, and then took a vicious bite of my twix
ON MY PERIOD!!!!! *eats mac n cheese* *eats knife* *eats fork* *eats dog food* *eats beloved family dog* *ea
had a dream last night that i got a tattoo under my boob which said 'breathe easy' and then even worse it turned out to be comic sans. fuck
stop favouriting my twets and let's just have sex
I just wanna say, thnak u guys for following me. Cos I am huge tity boob and I fucking SUCK ASS
oh shit you can favourite your own tweets. fuck you guys CYA
u know people who chop off their own legs & stuff because thats who they feel they truly are? well i truly feel like i should have antlers.
weird twitter is going to heaven
i had a really strange dream that i had an enormous vagina and everyone kept trying to put their smartphones in there