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tom after he sleeps with a girl: "I'm so glad we did this"
titles of missed connections that May Or May Not Be About Me:
"Drag Racing w/ A Girl In A Honda,"
"Making Out Behind Dennys,"
"Shame On You"
comment "oh my god is that your fucking family" on everyones easter pics
21 reasons you are an abyss at 21
people who have indicated they want nothing to do with me whom i will continue to suffocate w/ twitter favs
today i started training for my police fitness test in like a week,, lungs aint been expanded that much since i took a whippet too fast
i treat colleges like whores because i have paid 3 of them exorbitant prices for something that should be free and each one has fucked me
whenever i see someone drinking water I'm like, should i tell them about soda?
I do not drink for "fun" i drink to experience the intense regret and shame that fills the next day
sorry im late. i was sitting in my parked car eating wendys
Zach and I are gonna get married if were not married at 30
How JonBenet Stole Christmas
I got Natalee Holloway! Which angelic face of death are you?
'think im gonna barf' -frances mcdormand
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