Did anyone ever get the dogs back in?

Finding someone on Twitter &going through past tweets is like discovering a band & buying their old albums. Always 1 of my favorite things.

Here I am. Rock you like a slight drizzle.

4 out of 5 dentists are really getting annoyed with that other prick.

I don't go near the mental hospital. I have a fear of commitment.

If I Had A Hammer is the best song ever written about a guy who doesn't have a hammer, informing people what he would do if he did have one.

I want my MTV. Oh, here it is. Wait, this is shit. I don't want this.

Trying to get attention is the lamest way of getting attention.

I really hate when the people at work talk to me.

If I kept my money in a shoe box under a floorboard, in the back of my closet, behind my raincoat, I certainly wouldn't tell you.

If at flirst...If at first yuo dent.....It as...First as if... Fuck it.

I'm giving myself the silent treatment. I won't be talking to myself for the rest of the week. Might even withhold sex. That'll show me.

How many tweets of someones can you star in a row before it's creepy? Is it ever creepy?What if I go through someones TL & star every tweet?

If I were you, I'd be reading this tweet right now.

I think of you guys as fami...frien...strangers that I only want to hear from in short, periodic bits, and never meet in person.

Today is the last day of your life up to today.

I'm the me of doing the shit I do.

What is this "sex" you guys keep talking about? And where can I get some?

I don't like DMs. I really hate IMs. I do like M&Ms.

Sometimes I ponder life's big questions. CAN two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?