Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Religions like a penis; It's fine to have one, it's fine to be proud of it.

But please don't whip it out in public and wave it around.

Silence is golden





Duct tape is silver

Lonely?

Got no friends?

Simply wear your slippers to the shops with no make up on.

You will meet at least 10 ppl you know.

When will guys realize they don't need to spike my drink?

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

When people ask "Guess What?" I always answer Aardvark.

One day I'll be right.

I order happy meals with no toys and extra pickles for my kids, just so I can enjoy the look of total disappointment on their faces.

Maybe if I take my nerdy glasses off really slowly a hot guy will fall in love with me?

It's not stalking.... It's extreme people watching.

I'll just close my eyes for a moment......

(4 hours later)

Shit!!!

Snuggling usually leads to sex. Lots of it. Just so we are clear. :)

I used to smoke. Now I just smolder.

If nothing is going wrong you're obviously not understanding the situation.

Now now, don't be jealous.
I love all of my stalkers equally.

My God … I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

When that day comes I shall futterwacken.... Vigorously.

12 year old cousin is wearing a Nirvana tshirt.

On questioning he told me its the guy from Foo Fighters old band.

I could have cried.

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

I think I might have chronic fatigue syndrome.

Or I'm just really tired all the time.