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  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    I didn't buy anything from Amazon but it still recommends that i also buy a girlfriend and a job

    • 7
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUp9DaysOld1wickedsmartass__Mirth_Quakechris_montoyaBrentweetsTime4Depression
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    chris_montoyaMirth_Quake
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Sitting here at home on twitter eating peanut butter cups has really made me think about how I forgot to pick mom up from the airport

    • 4
    • FAVS
    KayleeAnn27brzandtDoneEffedUpchris_montoya
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    chris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    I have a boom-box in my room and thats the closest I'll ever get to "blast from the past"

    • 5
    • FAVS
    9DaysOldfizzlestothetop__captainashamedchris_montoyaInsultsAndMore
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    welcome to me, twitter

    • 5
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUp9DaysOldMirth_QuakeBrentweetsmark_as_spam______
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    I just ran over a kid at the park!! hahahahahahahahah ok well I guess you had to be there

    • 4
    • FAVS
    BrentweetstheJoeBizcaptainashamedchris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Does costco sell abortion clinics? I need like 7 of them

    • 3
    • FAVS
    theJoeBizchris_montoyaAteSomeClowns
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    It's a full moon and citizens are worried about werewolves. Don't worry, citizens. They're with their families safe and sound

    • 3
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUp9DaysOldsnarkninja
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Even though elementary school is over, I still take field trips! (i take a bus to the liqour store)

    • 3
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUpGrizzGriffithschris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    can't believe they don't sell harlots at Forever 21

    • 1
    • FAV
    chris_montoya
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    mark_as_spam______
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Sometimes when I'm feeling tired, I like to put my car on "autodrive" until my gf says "what are you fucking doing!?"

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUpchris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    There really is no explanation for the word "totebag"

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUpchris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    It's crazy to think that before we had phones, we had flying horse couriers

    • 2
    • FAVS
    chris_montoyaTacet_no_more
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    the twitter world is so big I see. lots of people i can follow. lots of tweets making my day. wonder if my boss knows i'm not at work.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DoneEffedUpmyles_morrison
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    NEW HOBBY IDEA: say "Justice will be done" as you enter the shower, knock over all the hair products then scream as loud as you fucking can.

    • 1
    • FAV
    chris_montoya
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Mitt Romney ironically reminds me of both my dads

    • 1
    • FAV
    Brentweets
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Looking for a religion that will give me funnel cake every sunday

    • 1
    • FAV
    mark_as_spam______
  • hdzander
      derrick @hdzander

    Applebee's is probably my favorite restuarant to reminisce over the death of my family in the car accident. also, best shirley temples

    • 1
    • FAV
    DoneEffedUp
@hdzander

@hdzander

heart of a lion?