I have dipped my nuts in glue and teabagged a pot of glitter. They are now amazeballs.

#RIPNewt You were the 2nd best politician named after a lizard I knew. pls RT @timheidecker

I LOVE HEARING HOW YOUR STUPID PHONE DOESN'T WORK. PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT. IS THERE AN RSS FEED TO YOUR COMPLAINTS?

Arno Carstens has had a son called Hayden Christian. WHY NOT JUST CALL HIM DARTH VADER THEN?

The smarter the phone, the dumber the battery.

SOMETHING ABOUT PETROL AND SOCCER

I'm locked into a life or death struggle with 7 billion people for mates and resources, of course I'm stressed.

The Internet's childish obsession with bacon as a punchline is a dire comment on the Oatmealification of our online culture.

I've lived in Cape Town all my life and I've never seen anyone wearing a cape?

@fucktyler @earlxsweat ~white people~

It's like twitter is a big bucket that I put over my head and I just sit here without pants on talking to myself

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAW A PRETTY CLOUD, IT IS NOT PROOF OF 'GOD' YOU FACEBOOK TOOL.

SO GLAD APPLE DECIDED TO ALLOW ME TO BUY MUSIC FROM THEM

Throw it at the wall, if it doesn't stick - put glue on the wall or get a velcro wall. #designindaba

Excel in everything you do. Change your Outlook on life. Get to the PowerPoint. Word!

THEY DON'T FUCKING HAND OUT FREE FUCKING IPHONES ON FUCKING FACE-FUCKING-BOOK. HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU.

I wonder how many of you will now recycle Jimmy Carr jokes as your own.

Apparently a lot of young people want to get tattoos to fit in. Makes youth ink, doesn't it?

Tattoo idea: a springbok jumping over the SA flag jumping, jumping over Madiba, jumping over the penny whistle solo from Mango Groove

You heard it - if I'm trending in CT by 10am, @weerickydee will wear a dress down long st. And he's tall enough that anything is a mini.