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Friends: 53
Followers: 53
Favs Given: 679
Favs Rec'd: 48
@heharmjade's (Jehad Maher) most faved Tweets...
heharmjade
People may not find me funny, but I'm actually an exceptional insult comic who happens to be very polite.
@heharmjade
6
paul_e_wogplaid_lemurjorshuwahstarmushroomstammyphinneyAdInsanitum
heharmjade
I like my women like I like my food; cheap, a phone call away and easy to stuff in the freezer.
@heharmjade
6
paul_e_wogplaid_lemurLovableDoofusstarmushroomstammyphinneyAdInsanitum
heharmjade
I'm so sexy that the universe can't help fucking me over.
@heharmjade
3
plaid_lemurstarmushroomstammyphinney
heharmjade
Starring my own tweets is like touching myself. I don't like doing it this often but no one else will.
@heharmjade
3
plaid_lemurAdInsanitumtammyphinney
heharmjade
Bret Hart and Alanis Morissette AREN'T the same person?
@heharmjade
2
paul_e_wogtammyphinney
heharmjade
Why is it that Pepsi only tastes good when I use it to help swallow painkillers?
@heharmjade
2
paul_e_wogtammyphinney
heharmjade
Sometimes I wish I were a masochist so my relentless stomach aches would be good for something.
@heharmjade
2
paul_e_wogtammyphinney
heharmjade
All wake and no sleep makes Jack a dull boy All wake and no sleep makes Jack a dull boy All wake and no sleep makes Jack a dull boy All wak
@heharmjade
2
paul_e_wogtammyphinney
heharmjade
Me: "I have an addictive personality." Therapist: "Don't flatter yourself."
@heharmjade
2
paul_e_wogAdInsanitum
heharmjade
When I wished for a sexbot on my thirteenth birthday, I did not mean retarded twitter spammers ten years later.
@heharmjade
2
monikkabAdInsanitum
heharmjade
@MonikkaB I have a Koi pond with a mattress at the bottom if you can't fuhgeddaboudit.
@heharmjade in reply to monikkab
1
monikkab
heharmjade
I'm gonna spend my savings on a programming course so I can write a script that auto-favorites @plaid_lemur tweets. Or maybe on a fleshlight
@heharmjade
1
plaid_lemur
heharmjade
@CarmenL_Sigman I'm useless at directing Tumblr posts to specific people. So, http://is.gd/3owb6
@heharmjade in reply to CarmenL_Sigman
1
CarmenL_Sigman
heharmjade
@Cassi_lee I'm like Russel Crowe from 'A Beautiful Mind', except I'm really stupid.
@heharmjade in reply to Cassi_lee
1
plaid_lemur
heharmjade
Bret Hart and Alanis Morissette AREN'T the same person right?
@heharmjade
1
plaid_lemur
heharmjade
I have 11 minutes worth of free overseas calls and no one I can think of calling. Nice one, universe!
@heharmjade
1
monikkab
heharmjade
I can't say that I'm a homosexual or a chocolate fiend but I would totally fuck Lindt & Sprüngli.
@heharmjade
1
paul_e_wog
heharmjade
@CarmenL_Sigman I like you for the way your brains look. Unrelated: I have very confusing x-ray vision.
@heharmjade in reply to CarmenL_Sigman
1
CarmenL_Sigman
heharmjade
I hate going to sleep because I always end up missing out on the banter between @paul_e_wog and @CarmenL_Sigman as it happens.
@heharmjade
1
CarmenL_Sigman
heharmjade
OMG you guys! Did you hear? Worst news EVER! I have to downgrade my bandwidth spee- What?Who the hell is Billy Mays?!!!
@heharmjade
1
monikkab
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