oh Christina Aguilera is singing the national anthem? This should only take 34 minutes and 497 syllables.

Dear raisins in my trail mix, You disgust me. xoxo heidi

this notebook says college ruled but I thought it was pretty mediocre.

wondering if there is a punctuation equivalent of dropping the mic on the floor and walking away, maybe ?! and then a flat line?!____

accidentally had a sex dream about the Supreme Court.

I wonder how drunk Brett Favre is right now.

not to brag but I was the 1st person in my class to realize a lady in our psych class was on meth. Cops came to stop her from driving home.

handjobs could/should be called tugaroonies

Marcus is sooooo jealous that Michele is out.

shoutout to myself for finally reaching 500 followers all of you are sexually attractive and/or incredibly smart, good people.

Jackie Kashian's spoons joke is genius  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xg7YtbmwLQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player … cc: @jackiekashian

"wow this song sucks" -- one of Jason Mraz's new facial hairs

band names made up while driving: Pompazon, Tit Brigade, Relationshits, Am I That Old, Fartpad, Sewer Tent Party, Elderly Raves, Swampfists.

aaaand the most disturbing local reaction to the Paterno news goes to @pdouglasweather

"yes I'll do it!" -- Cee Lo, about anything anyone asks him to do

18 y/o cousin just posted then unposted a status update about "being hard watching the VS fashion show" in case anyone missed it.

anyone who subscribes to more than one magazine has too much money.

@johnmoe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zj9Sv1JpmPs&hd=1

"I drink Iced Tea in my Chrysler ... I'm fucking serious" -- Eminem

Christina Aguilera is going to Black Swan that chick from Glee backstage in about 5 minutes.