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If I need to explain myself to you,then you are too stupid to be my friend.
To people out there who drink 30 different flavours of tea,do yourselves a favour and try coffee.
I have a Twitter crush. I feel so fucking stupid. I avoided this for so long. Fuck. please stop being so hot.
Describe a woman's beauty as "ethereal" and she will,most definitely love you long time. But make it believable.
Roses are cars,violets are buckets,this poem makes no sense. Boobs.
Being void of emotion is becoming a normality to me.
Batman is proof that you need money to be a hero. Joker on the other hand proves you just need to be bat shit crazy to be a villain.
I do Twitter like a job,its ungrateful,the receptionist won't fuck me,I want to go home,the rewards suck. And I compete with assholes.
Waking up horny is great. Waking up next to a horny woman is better.
Can't wait for someone to steal my tweets. I really can't. Then I have a real reason to cry like a bitch.
I've been shitting rainbows for 3 days. And it is glorious. I know I am expected to be a rude crass bastard. But hey,life is beautiful.
If your not going to unfollow me at least RT or Star something. DON'T JUST FUCKING SIT THERE?! God,do I have to do everything around here?
To all the people who don't have a hangover today. I hate you.
"I am wise as I am beautiful" - me on a ego trip.
Tramp stamps on men,of any age,proof that you should have been killed at birth.
I get freaked out if your Twitter account is all girly and pretty and shit,makes you seem...normal.
Ten bucks says that if some of you were in a burning building you would tweet about it instead of running and screaming hysterically.
I gotta shit. I gotta eat. I gotta sleep. 87 Original. All is well,that ends with whiskey and Jäger.
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