I have to admit they're both pretty handsome. I'm waiting for the swimsuit competition to decide. #debates

Biden means Ryan is his friend in the strictly Facebook sense of the word. #debates

"You're not my real Pope!" she screamed before slamming the door.

Hide bubble wrap in your bra for hilarious hugs.

GOLDFINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

"Called it!" - Everyone.

Phyllis Diller didn't even START her standup career until she was 38, which in 1950s numbers was 82. Oh, and she had 6 kids.

"You have beautiful eyes," he said to the girl who had boobs for eyes.

"Imagine ALL the people? That's going to take YEARS, John."

I scream, you scream, we all scream for we are tied to a railroad track and the train is coming.

The best defense is a good moat and a dragon.

“I like big butts and I cannot die.” Vampire Sir Mix-a-lot

Butterface seems like an ok nickname because butter is so good.

"I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else." - Becky, the lying mermaid.

Tip: Don't laugh when your yoga teacher reminds you to "relax your jaw."

Did someone start beatboxing???? #debates

I know more anecdotes about Obama's grandma than I know about my own grandma. #debates

What if Lohan and Bynes are having the times of their lives and WE'RE the losers???

I liked ranch Doritos before they were cool.

Filibuster? I don't even know her! Or what that word means!