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I have to admit they're both pretty handsome. I'm waiting for the swimsuit competition to decide. #debates
Biden means Ryan is his friend in the strictly Facebook sense of the word. #debates
"You're not my real Pope!" she screamed before slamming the door.
Hide bubble wrap in your bra for hilarious hugs.
"Called it!" - Everyone.
Phyllis Diller didn't even START her standup career until she was 38, which in 1950s numbers was 82. Oh, and she had 6 kids.
"You have beautiful eyes," he said to the girl who had boobs for eyes.
"Imagine ALL the people? That's going to take YEARS, John."
I scream, you scream, we all scream for we are tied to a railroad track and the train is coming.
The best defense is a good moat and a dragon.
“I like big butts and I cannot die.” Vampire Sir Mix-a-lot
Butterface seems like an ok nickname because butter is so good.
"I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else." - Becky, the lying mermaid.
Tip: Don't laugh when your yoga teacher reminds you to "relax your jaw."
I know more anecdotes about Obama's grandma than I know about my own grandma. #debates
What if Lohan and Bynes are having the times of their lives and WE'RE the losers???
I liked ranch Doritos before they were cool.
Filibuster? I don't even know her! Or what that word means!
Editor at http://Cracked.com and luckiest girl in the world.