I'm looking for an Android developer to port a tarot deck app for me. DM for details.

Say "iPad". I dare you. I dare you to say 'iPad." You totally need a fake mention. It'll pump your @klout score, right?

@ashedryden I'm not wearing any pants right now. #winning

Abigail needs a home. http://t.co/YfFh7toF #fb

Here you go @ashedryden I think this is fairly self-explainatory. http://t.co/UHiDzUfp

Bear cc's your boss on snotty email == PUNCH THE BEAR! #whentopunchbears

Romulans: They're like vulcans, but they're honest about what big dicks they are. CC: @ashedryden

Seriously, you guys. It's just like working at Star Fleet Academy. You'd love it.

OH: There's NO DOLPHINS in Led Zeppelin! None. You're thinking of Enya.

Adobe air! Get down! No! Bad! No! Down! Stay! No! Bad! An Adobe ID? Really? I have an Adobe ID? That's weird. No. Stay Down.

Hey co-workers. Don't forget to stop for a quick lunch. I bet you forgot. You need some protein.

You know why you don't feel good, right? It's because you've been eating bread. Bread. BREAD! DAMN YOU BREAD! DAMN YOU DAMN YOU #bread

I am so proud of this child. She Nyan`d the cliniqe counter. #fb http://t.co/U3vv060d

This pig will give me my meats, one way or the other. #glitchcomics http://t.co/5cPHGpyw @playglitch

I could not resist. I think this is pretty close. @tomhenrich @joshjs http://t.co/5kuFagwd

@tomhenrich Bizzaro Netflix is loved by movie studios for making awesome films easy for people to watch!

@joshjs Lets ask Mr. Owl. Mr. Owl, how many cat tweets would it take to get down to 1K followers? Let's see! 1! 2! 3! ... 3 cat tweets.

Had to just explain to Gaia that the word "hipsters" on her underpants had nothing to do with @ashedryden. #andthenitoldheriwouldtweetthat

@tomhenrich Wait! I want in. }o{ @joshdean @ashedryden goddamn polio.

@ashedryden HIPSTERS! STORM THE GRAFTON ALTERRA! DO IT FOR YOUR MOLESKINNE! QUICKLY TO YOUR FIXIES!