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FOX NEWS' TAKE: "African American Male in Washington Confesses to Murder of Elderly Man."
Billy Corgan accused Radiohead of being pompous. Talk about the pot calling the kettle melon collie and the infinite sadness.
If you were stranded on a desert island, and only had a 250GB iPod, what 3,000 albums would you take with you?
You guys have NO IDEA how close I came to getting stuck paying $999,999,999 for Instagram in that eBay auction.
Oh boy, this is just going to be 90 minutes of the two candidates angrily agreeing with each other.
Jay-Z now officially has 100 problems.
I can't really afford a vacation, but a "psychotic break" sounds lovely.
If Michelle Bachmann does a good job tonight, her handlers will feed her a live mouse.
Congrats to gay people on having the SCOTUS uphold your civil rights. If yesterday taught us anything, you have about 50 years to enjoy it.
God coming back to judge mankind would be like the dad who left you at age 2 coming back at age 18 to bitch about how your mom raised you.
CBS is banning buttcrack from the Grammys. Poor Randy Newman :(
"Can I get a retweet?" - world's first Twitter preacher
Why are we calling Gingrich "Mr. Speaker?" I've been fired from jobs, but no one's calling me "Mr. Clerk in a Used Bookstore."
Here's a new joke for Zimmerman's attorney:
Florida justice who?
No, that was the joke.
Now seems like a fun time to remind you all that George Zimmerman is not Jewish.
Contracts always protect you against acts of God, but why not Satan? No reason I should lose money because some guy lost a fiddling contest.
Before I spend time liking your Facebook posts, are you single?
Liam McEneaney is a comedian, a writer, a producer, all-around general dogsbody. Debut album, Comedian, out now on ASpecialThing Records via iTunes, Amazon